I'm currently working with someone who is very demanding. She asks for things that she would like - which I completely admire and, in fact, envy because I find it so hard. I think it is important for women especially to ask for things that they want. I understand the politics of it but, in reality, I find it hard that she asks. It's hard to say No and I feel somehow bullied, though she is in no sense a bully.

Because she is not white I have also racialized the matter. My brain has done an unconscious search to find the last time I met with such a demanding woman and I came up with another non-white woman. So because 2 women who are of completely different backgrounds but happen to share the fact that they are both 'not white' happen to be more demanding, I am forming some new prejudices. As I write this I know how absolutely stupid it is. I work with many people from a variety of backgrounds but just because I'm feeling threatened, suddenly 'race' is becoming a focus of my fears - and envy. I have had envy issues with her from the beginning and from the beginning they were racialized. I don't know why but I know I have to deal with it.

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