I've had some encounters with a person I work with today. They have reminded me what she is like and how she treats me. It's the summer so I haven't had any contact with her for a couple of months. It's very subtle and I have only talked about it to one other colleague, who isn't white and who happens to have left now. This person has been vaguely hostile towards me since the beginning and I have tried to build bridges, especially once I was warned that she has the ear of my direct boss, but she still acts very threatened.
From the very beginning I knew it was around my Jewishness that she was hostile, or should I say, uncomfortable. I am too loud, too opinionated, too 'smart' - in short too Jewish. It's difficult to describe to another person. It's the kind of everyday workplace racism which, at bottom, is about trust and a lack of it. She doesn't trust me or where I'm coming from. She doesn't like me in a way that has a different flavour from just a personality clash. And I know it comes from a latent, unacknowledged anti-Semitism. But it is so subtle, I can't call her on it. It's just there - a vague undercurrent.
Today I have been thinking about the possibility of her being promoted when my direct boss leaves. I have decided I would leave my job if she becomes my boss. She would make my life unbearable if I stayed (it's bad enough as it is) and there's no one I can tell about her racism. No one would believe me - everyone else is white and have probably never encountered the kind of dislike and hostility just for being who you are that is the cornerstones of racist actions. I feel very isolated in the team because there's no one to tell. It's sad because it's a good job - but I have to be prepared to get out if necessary... but we'll see.
Just heard that the Chief Rabbi said that Israel was in danger of acting against the core principals of Judaism, that daily Judaism does things that make him feel uncomfortable [as a Jew].
I am so glad that he has come out saying this - drawing a line between the actions of Israel re: Palestinians and a Jewish conscience. Of course, there have always been Jewish people like me who have a huge problem with how Israel is acting. The 'Refusniks' for example - Israeli army soldiers who have refused to serve in the Occupied Territories because of the atrocities commited there by their own side. But this is huge - that the Head of the Orthodox Synagogue in Britain questions Israel's actions - something might change. At least more Jewish people might come out and also denounce Israel's actions without feeling that they are adding to levels of anti-Semitism.