I was talking about an acquaintence who had apparently marvelled at Jewish people who continue to marry within the faith. I was annoyed at being judged from the outside like that. But then I remembered how I judge my community. My last trip to Melbourne made me remember just how much I hated living within the community, how stifled I felt by it, how constrained. I realised during my last visit that I could never have grown and become the person I am today in that cloying environment.

But I wouldn't let anyone else judge my community - not unless you are one of us so that I know that, however hostile, it is only self-loathing and not murderous.

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