I had a dream this morning. Actually, it was more like a nightmare because I woke up from it and couldn't get back to sleep. In the dream I watched a bully beating up people around me, threatening them. He turned to me. I had the choice to ignore him and be safe or confront him, not do what he said, disagree, and get beaten up. I stood up to him and got beaten up. I woke up with the image of me pushing my fingers into his eye sockets.

I woke up wondering who the bully is. I don't know. I'm not really sure but I think it has to do with this situation we find ourselves in. I know I feel one 'bully' is Osama Bin Laden and Muslim militant extremists. But I also feel that George W Bush and Tony Blair are 'bullies' and those kids that they interview on the news who are in the army and want to "blow everything up".

This is the first time in my life that I have felt truly torn in a world situation. During the Gulf War, I still lived in Australia. I knew no Muslim people and though I felt compassion for any innocent lives that were destroyed, for all that 'collateral damage', it was very remote from me. I was aware of the propaganda during that war. The way, we saw no footage of any actual people while the bombing was happening, just all those pyrotechnic flashes during the night. It reminded me of video games at the time. I was very aware of the George Orwell '1984'- style double speak that replaced words like victims, casualties, numbers killed, etc. But I didn't know anyone with families who were being bombed. I didn't know anyone on 'the other side'.

This time, I do. This time I have friends from all over the world, who have different religious beliefs and different cultural backgrounds, from me and from each other. This time I know people who are afraid for their families, for their people. They are afraid for themselves and each other here and 'over there' as well. This time, the idea of 'victim' seems more complicated. This time I know victims on both sides and it's confusing and upsetting and worrying.

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