I was interviewed by a panel for a grant to produce an artwork. On the panel was a man wearing a Kippah, a Yarmulka. I had been interviewed by this panel a number of years ago as well. That time I was v intimidated and did a shocking interview - very self-denigrating. It was v hostile and I kept looking at he man with the kippah for some kind of relief, some kind of help.

For no good reason I imagined that he would divine that I was also Jewish and come to my rescue - both financially by giving me the grant and emtionally because the interview was going really badly. He didn't help and I didn't get the grant either. At the time, I knew it was problematic to expect anything different from this man - but I did anyway.

This year, when I saw him there, I realised I would have to treat him the same as everyone else on the panel. Everyone else, I assume, are not Jewish - But because my work is about Europe and Europeanness - who is and who isn't - who is in and who is out - and we are living in the times that we do, The French came up. He joked that they aren't part of Europe and I jumped to the conclusion that he has no problem with bombing Iraq. I jumped to the stereotypes of ultra-religious Jews and their beliefs about Arabs. Eventhough this man is 'one of my own', I was unable to see him outside of stereotypes and/or my own expectations.

I wondered about the other candidates and whether they could get past his Kippah. I wonder whether non-Jews have as many hang-ups with men who wear Kippot.

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