I found out recently that Anish Kapoor, Britian's most successful non-white visual artist, is also Jewish. An Iraqi with an Indian name who is Jewish. I have admired, or actually loved, his work for years, but recently I heard his response to winning the title of "Most Popular Turner Prize nominee". He said that he didn't know whether it was an insult or a compliment to be voted most popular. I really dislike him now.

Since finding out that he is Jewish, I have explained his arrogance, his snobbery in those terms, namely because he is Jewish... Is it self-loathing? Yes I guess. I recently decided not to be involved in a group about Jewish Visual Arts. I decided not to join because they were only interested in being part of the establishment, in being cool and highly visible in mass media terms. I'm not interested in that myself. And I felt that it is a very Jewish thing to be concerned with - the need to fit in. But I also know that's self loathing. I know that most non-Jews in the art world are concerned with exactly the same thing - being cool, being fashionable, not rocking the boat. Few people are interested in saying things that stand outside dominant culture.

And yet, if I want it to be, it's a nice stick to beat myself up with, fill myself with self-loathing...

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