Discovered a strange thing today. I discovered that some of my most profound fears and insecurities about the world are based on the fact that my grandparents are refugees from the Holocaust - and that the community I grew up with are nearly all post-Holocaust survivors. I have long known it creates a slightly fucked way of looking at the world but I just realised that I have a profound sense of insecurity because of that heritage.

I have a belief, which borders on a knowledge, that I will be made to leave my country at some stage in my life. I believe that one day, my government will turn on me and either force me out or try to kill me. And because I think that might happen, I have the need for a safety net, a plan, some bribe money, something to help me to live when things go wrong...

/I never fully realised how fucked up I am in those terms - and I'm 2 generations removed from the refugee experience.

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